Jun 17

Jun 17 How Zena overcame the hardest challenge she's ever faced

To say Zena (who turned 92 on the day after we chatted) is the embodiment of a life well-lived would be an understatement (a difficult childhood in South Africa; building a successful butchers shop business then losing all her money just before moving to the UK with her husband and two young children; rebuilding her life and her career - she spent 20 years as a demonstrator and promoter for Revlon; becoming a widow in her fifties; two other long-lasting relationships - she met the second one, who she describes as the great love of her life - in her mid seventies). To say she doesn’t take well to being told she can’t, or won’t be able to, do something, would be even more of one!

“I was a studious child who always worked hard at whatever I did, whether that was school work or music. My science teacher wanted me to go to university and study medicine and my piano teacher wanted me to become a concert pianist, but my parents, who divorced when I was 16, didn’t have the money for university or even for buying a piano and weren’t supportive of my ambitions. So I lost my music and my further education opportunities and learnt shorthand and typing instead, which I hated.

I think that’s what gave me the determination to fight to get whatever I wanted and to do it to the best of my abilities. And whenever anyone tells me I can’t do something, I think: “Well they’re an idiot. And I’m just going to prove to them I can.”

Keep on learning

I’ve also been determined to keep on learning throughout my life, even though it definitely gets harder as you get older. I started to learn both golf and bridge in my sixties.

I began bridge after I’d lost a grandson and was in a terrible state. I really lost my mind with grief. One of my very dear friends, who’s a bridge teacher, told me I should start learning as a way to focus on something else. I was so useless to begin with, I didn’t even know which suit was which!

The teacher said to me “how on earth are you going to play when you don’t know how to hold the cards properly?” That simply made me even more determined to master it. Which I did.

When it came to golf, I couldn’t even get the ball off the ground at first. I’m very slim and not tall and my first teacher told me I’d never be able to play. Which, of course, was all the motivation I needed to prove him wrong. And to get another teacher!

The fall that nearly felled me

Right up until 8 months ago I was doing pilates every day and could easily walk for miles at a fast pace. Then I had fall - just getting out of my car and turning awkwardly - and I broke my leg in three places.

I left hospital with pins in my leg which was dreadfully swollen and painful and I started working with a physiotherapist. But in all honesty, I wasn’t doing the exercises she set me because I didn’t really like her. Then, after a few weeks I asked her if she thought I’d be able to walk again and she said “no, I don’t.”

Well I think you can imagine my reaction to that. It was the red rag I needed to galvanise me to get my leg strong enough to walk.

So after telling her to leave and not come back, I set about doing not just her exercises, but others that challenged me more. I included pilates exercises and others that focused on my deportment because I didn’t want to end up hunched over and limping.

My doctor also told me to massage my leg which I incorporated into my regime. And that has almost completely got rid of the swelling.

Why I couldn’t give up

It’s been a real struggle. The pain has been enormous and there have definitely been times when I wanted to give up. But when I said that to my son, his reaction and how intensely he wanted me to keep going, made me realise that to give up would be cruel to him, so I needed to keep on trying.

It’s been a long hard slog, definitely the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life. I’ve exercised morning, noon and night, and although for a long time I didn’t feel I was making any progress, I am now finally walking again. I’m still slow and a bit unsteady, but each day it gets a little better.

Are you facing a challenge?

To anyone facing a challenge - of any sort, at any time of your life - I’d say this: “Do you want to die? If not, you can’t be a victim. You’ve got to be self-sufficient and somehow find the strength you need to get through. You can’t give in. Don’t give in.”